Granville's Diet Rules

There is a lot of nonsense talked about dieting and losing weight. These three rules will be a big help in deciding how to diet:

  1. Anything that is liquid does not count. It is liquid, so it goes straight through you.
  2. Anything that melts, does not count. Ice cream melts as soon as you eat it, so has no effect whatsoever.
  3. Anything that you eat or drink when three or more people are gathered together does not count. You have to be able to party, don't you?

This will greatly simplify those complicated diet rules!